End of Complacency

Could be worse

Andrew Denney — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 21:06:15 +0000

I sit in the waiting area of the hospital, waiting for the drugs that might pick me up from this latest MS relapse. People walk, shuffle or buzz past under battery power. I try to take my mind off it – I don’t want to follow this train of thought. I return to my book [...]

Small world

Andrew Denney — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 14:36:35 +0000

The rhetoric around our shrinking world can be breathless. Burgeoning travel brings the world to our cities and streets, technology brings distant people into our houses, while social media enable relationships with people you may never actually meet. It is seen as a good thing. Typically a young thing. A shrinking world full of possibilites. [...]

The Magic Mountain

Andrew Denney — Sun, 11 Nov 2012 11:06:44 +0000

It is understandable not to want to take responsibility sometimes. When you are struggling to manage an illness that is not of your making there is no blame here, nothing to atone for. The problem is that the consequences of illness take no heed of this – decisions need to be made about the here [...]

Coming back to me

Andrew Denney — Sat, 13 Oct 2012 19:10:44 +0000

The sun shone, almost all the time. Nothing, not even the mess of the tram works and the ugly festival flyposters could shield me from its effect. Edinburgh, my first time back in two years, probably longer. The sun shone and I found myself opening up. Alone in Edinburgh, alone at the Fringe I opened [...]

Gallop

Andrew Denney — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 07:50:10 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLhutilgq8A&feature=plcp

ShiftMS's new film, Gallop, premiered at the National Theatre this month.

It’s quite something to watch a diagnosis scene like that. It takes me straight back to my own, although when I think about that it is not so much the diagnosis I remember, but the advice I was given afterwards. ‘You’re diagnosis is as mild as they get, Andrew. Do what you can to put it to the back of your mind and get on with life. And steer clear of the MS websites – they’re not for people like you.’

And looking back now I think he was right. I know this because obviously I ignored his advice, and in doing so ended up swamped by a wave of information reaching across the full spectrum of MS. A lot of it wasn’t for me. Much of it was frightening and dispiriting. I turned from these websites and ran. I ran away in all respects. And this is why looking back I can also see that my neurologist’s advice was wrong. I struggled alone with this stuff for too long.

A couple of years later I found ShiftMS, or rather ShiftMS found me, George having somehow stalked me on Twitter. Within a few weeks I was sat in a bar with other young MSers, swapping stories, frustrations and advice. The stuff I was learning felt personalized, tailored. The same ethos which prevails on the ShiftMS website too, with it’s post it note questions and suggestions I have used and contributed to since.

So I was surprised to learn that ShiftMS was making a film. Films can’t be tailored; was Shift really going to move into one-size-fits-all information? But having watched the film I’m not sure that’s what it does.

It avoids this fate through setting aside information and taking a more expressive, emotional path. Look again at that diagnosis scene. Here was the chance for the information money-shot: what MS is, how it might progress, what treatments are available. But all detail is muffled. There is no information in there other than what we learn about the messy eating habits of neurologists. This is not a film about what MS is. It is a film about how it looks and feels.

The visuals of course go beyond realism with the appearances of the magical white horse. A metaphor recurring throughout Gallop. And this is how the film avoids becoming a one-size-fits-all exercise. The beauty of metaphor and emotion generally is how they create the space for you to bring your own experiences to the film in a way that an information broadcast wouldn’t allow. It keeps the film personalized, tailored. It keeps it ShiftMS.

At How the Light Gets In, philosopher Robert Rowland Smith described how metaphor endarkens. How metaphors contain no knowledge, but that they nevertheless help you think. Gallop has the potential to help people think about MS. And perhaps, I hope, to think differently.

How the light got in

Andrew Denney — Tue, 26 Jun 2012 11:49:33 +0000

Through the cracks Through the rain Still reflecting Notes from How the Light Gets In, Hay on Wye, June 2012

Fairy Godmother of Finsbury Park

Andrew Denney — Thu, 21 Jun 2012 20:59:59 +0000

I didn’t recognise her at first, though in truth it had been a long time since I had last seen her. Since she disappeared overnight from the billboard looking out over Finsbury Park. From where she looked over us, our guardian angel with the winning smile, the bowling ball and the chipped nail varnish. From [...]

Fortifications III

Andrew Denney — Fri, 25 May 2012 09:29:10 +0000

Two months on I am back in the Ikea cafe. I look out over the pylons, gasometers and warehouses of north east London, including the bright yellow warehouse in which my possessions reside. Not all plans work out, I suppose, and I am back to liberate some belongings, now that my month of living in [...]

Out of sheer rage II

Andrew Denney — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 10:26:19 +0000

The early spring warmth is a welcome surprise. Trees have come to life under the March sunshine, though light snow remains on the tops of the mountains that encircle the city. It is warm enough to be sat outside, glass of wine on the table while the whole city empties onto the streets, sharing the [...]

Out of sheer rage

Andrew Denney — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 23:42:47 +0000

Out of sheer rage I finally gave notice on the flat. I could not stand the inflexibility of it all. A hand-scribbled letter on a side of A4, which I took round the corner to the landlord’s house and dropped through the letter box. Quick and easy. A quick and easy end to the long [...]